A revisit to my breakup with Fettuccine Alfredo in 2007
Dear fettuccine alfredo,
We’ve been through a lot of good times together, right? After all – you have been my favorite food since I was little. [see attached photos] There’s just always been something about you. So warm, so yummy, so creamy & delicious.
Sure, there have been others (i.e. spaghetti break-up of ’96) but I always come back to you in the end. & yet, we’re no good for each other. Actually, to be honest, you are no good for me. It has just turned into a few dirty one-night-stands & a lot of awkwardness. You hurt my soul, sure – but more importantly, you hurt my stomach.
It’s over, fettucine alfredo.
In time I know I will think of you fondly.
sincerely,
–Allison
Ha! Hilarious and sad and true. It hurts my stomach, too. Why are you slithering around and hurting everyone’s stomachs, fettuccine alfredo?
You’re handling the breakup with a lot of cool-headedness and diplomacy, my dear! Those baby photos had me rethinking my stance on a certain issue. Bet you were a danger baby.